Sometimes (more lately) I like to sit take a look back in gratitude over the things I’ve gotten to experience in my life: trips I’ve/we’ve taken, time spent with friends, general experiences and concerts we’ve attended. Maybe you’d like to do the same? I find it helps to fight the “we are in a rut”, “holy crap we are staying in AGAIN this weekend”, “I’m effing old” blues. It also helps to jog an over-taxed memory, if I’m being totally honest, I am OLD afterall.

Bands or musician-type people I’ve seen in concert (in no real order because I am forgetting people as I am listing them)

Kenny Loggins
Dead Milkmen
The Rave-Ups
The Meat Puppets
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Kings of Leon
Duran Duran
Quiet Riot
Enuff Z’nuff
Dave Matthews
Depeche Mode
Kid Rock
Damien Rice
Garth Brooks
Reba McEntire
Suicidal Tendencies
Blue October
No Doubt
Crystal Method
Abra Moore
Cowboy Mouth
The Old 97’s
Matchbox 20
Seven Mary Three
The Hunger
Tori Amos
Maroon 5
Ian Moore
Ben Harper
Black Sabbath
Johnny Goudie
Red Wanting Blue
Ben Kweller
Rocco Deluca
Honey Honey
The Burden Brothers
The Decemberists
Snow Patrol
The Mighty Orq

Anja Chakra

Sanskrit name: Anja
Meaning: To perceive, to command
Element: Light
Function: Intuition
Color: Indigo
Sense: Sight
Seed Sound: Om
Demon: Illusion
Foods: Entheogens
Gland: Pineal
Metal: Silver
Animal: Owl

-Not only do we construct our perceptions of the world, but we also go out and construct those perceptions IN the world. We make tables and bicycles and musical instruments because we can think of them- pg 296 Wheels of Life

-In order to see, you have to stop being in the middle of the picture. Sri Aurobindo – pg 298 Wheels of Life

My girl

This morning I was woken up by nails clicking on the floor in the hallway and I instantly thought “Oh thank you, it was all a horrible nightmare, she isn’t gone” but of course it wasn’t and of course she is. The nails I heard belong to Maddie. There has been a lot of heartache lately: family drama, hurt feelings from friendships, the loss of family members stacked very close together, old wounds being reopened as I rekindle a relationship with my brother and on top of it all, the loss of my most precious girl. When we had to put Izzy down several years ago, a friend made a comment referencing a lifetime pet. Mayday was mine. Izzy was the love of our whole family. She came to all of us equally (but might have hedged a bit more towards being a daddy’s girl) and was generally happy to love on anyone that would love on her, it’s the Golden Retriever creed after all. Mayday? Mayday was my shadow. My spirit animal. As Sprog’s BFF said when he found out “I’m so sorry, I know she was your main bitch.” She was glued to me, she followed me from room to room, she was constantly under my feet and slept on my side of the bed at night. She stole my sheet and pinned me in constantly. She always knew when I felt like shit and kept me company as I tried to heal. She interrupted my yoga practice by sitting on my hair, licking my face or belching on me. If she went to Willy or Sprog I would sit behind her and talk for her and they would laugh because even though I couldn’t see her face, my words always perfectly matched her facial expressions and her face was incredibly expressive. She let me put anything on her, we dressed her up in clothes, antlers at Christmas, I put remote controls on her head…she would do anything for me.

She was a fighter her whole life, just like me, she was a tiny little sickly bit of nothing when I found her and her sisters underneath the stairs of that abandoned trailer 14 years ago. She was covered in fleas, starving and so desperate for someone to save her…she climbed right up on me and licked my face in joy, while the other two huddled together in fear. She survived two surgeries and even though they said we could expect about 3-6 months with her after having to have her spleen removed, she lived happily for another 15 months. She had horrible allergies, just like me, and I don’t know of a sadder thing than a dog allergic to grass. We battled ear infections and skin infections constantly. She had two strokes, her eye sagged permanently after the first one and she lost her hearing after the second. Her bark forever changed at some point in between. I call her the most expensive free dog in the world. But, I don’t care, I would’ve spent anything on her, for her.

I debated telling you about her last day/night but it was awful and graphic and I just hate remembering her like that. I hate remembering how she suffered. I hate that the last image I have of her was her in pain, struggling, in that place. I wish that she hadn’t lost her hearing so that my words could’ve actually comforted her. I promised her that she’d never have to camp again. That she’d never be tormented by another bug or another little annoying dog again. That she’d only be in the air conditioning she loved so much forever. That she was never going to feel anymore pain. That she’d only ever get her fancy wet food and huge fluffy bedding and mommy’s soft sheets. That she was the very best girl. The very BEST GIRL and I loved her so much. I wish that we got that beautiful last day filled with cheeseburgers and gorgeous pictures but as with most things the internet is not like real life. I wish I could say that I am okay with her being gone because at least now she isn’t suffering anymore and while yes, I am so glad she isn’t in pain anymore? I am most definitely not okay with her being gone. I am a fucking wreck actually. Like sobbing mess, can’t go into my own bedroom, wreck. When I was sad, when I was lonely, I would put my nose flat on the top of her nose and my forehead on hers and just hug her, I would stroke her super soft ears or lay on the floor with her. She always made me feel better and now she’s gone, just like that. 14 years is over. Every day I expect it’s going to get easier and it doesn’t.


I miss you so much beautiful girl. Thank you for gracing me with your life. I am so lucky I got to be your mama.

More pictures here

Anahata Chakra

So this one was hard for me and I am not sure I communicated as clearly as I wished, but as I allowed myself to be vulnerable in the space and showed it, I’m going with this as is.

Sanskrit name: Anahata
Meaning: Unstruck
Element: Air
Function: Love
Color: Green
Sense: Touch
Seed Sound: Lam
Chief Operating Force: Equilibrium
Demon: Grief
Foods: Vegetables
Inner state: Compassion
Animal: Dove

Frank’s Visit To The Boyd’s

If you follow me on Instagram or even on Facebook you know all about Frank and his month long vaca at our house. For those that don’t or that were curious as to how things went in greater detail, let’s talk about my buddy.

This is Frankenstein (or Frankie or Frankie Figs as I started calling him)
he belongs to our friends Kristie and Duvain and he’s a French Mastiff aka Dogue de Bordeaux.

I fell in love with him when we met him last year in Wales on Sprog’s graduation trip, because COME ON look at this face!

Obviously when K&D asked us to watch him while they were out of the country, I said yes immediately but of course I had concerns in the back of my mind because of our girls. Mayday is fear aggressive to pretty much anything in the world and it’s only made worse by the fact that she’s mostly deaf after her latest stroke. Maddie is a sneak, she acts like she loves everyone but then snaps at any dog that gets within face reach of her. So, clearly, we were going to have issues bringing this giant dog into our home.

At first, and as expected, there was a lot of growling and avoidance by our ladies. Frank is awesomely trained so I would have him in a down stay and slowly bring the girls out into his space. Introductions happened with my hand firmly on a collar or body of one of the girls and lots of reassuring tones were used. We also walked them all together as much as we could (14 year old ladies vs 3 year old pup is vastly different in energy levels)
but eventually 2 of the 3 had solid friendships

and the other one would tolerate him, mostly.

We got into a routine of taking Frank out in the morning to play ball with me and in the evening to play ball with Willy

and took him to do things like get puppy whip at Starbucks or brunch at Barnaby’s
and he really loved swimming in the pond next to our bayou

Sprog was even willing to get his precious interior dirty for Frankie.

He is well loved and a member of our family, now. I can’t wait to get him back at Christmas when it’s cooler and we can take him to do even more fun things outside.

Maybe even get him back to the beach

Manipura Chakra

Chakra two is coming, as I mention in the video, for now we move on to chakra three.

Sanskrit name: Manipura
Meaning: Lustrous Gem
Element: Fire
Function: Will, power and assertiveness
Color: Yellow
Sense: Sight
Seed Sound: Ram
Chief Operating Force: Combustion
Demon: Shame
Foods: Starch
Inner state: Laughter, joy, anger
Animal: Ram

So Many Doctors

In the past few weeks I have been inundated with doctor appointments and tests. I have had medical issues for a long time now and have a running list of things that need to be addressed: gastroenterologist, ENT, hand specialist, OB/GYN and follow up with my primary care. So I had my OB/GYN for my well woman first because I figured it’d be an easy thing to knock out without a lot of additional drama or testing. I was wrong, of course I was, and so I got a bone scan added to my yearly mammogram. I also was treated to 8 vials of blood being drawn to work on sorting my hormones, a mouth swab to see how I metabolize medications, a test for RA and a test for sexually transmitted diseases (spoiler: I have none).

My mammogram came back clear, thankfully, but with the notation that I have “dense breast tissue” and my doctor might want to schedule me for additional testing as that can mask lumps. My doctor’s response “Dense breast tissue is good, it keeps things from sagging to our knees”. The drug metabolization test came back with A LOT of yellow notations which means I have many families of medications that affect my body in not a great way: if there is a side effect I’m likely to experience it or I need more or less of the recommended dose because of how I process. The hormone panel was atrocious which I expected. I have been on only estrogen since my hysterectomy in 2001. I have been dealing with insane night sweats and hot flashes, which have just progressively gotten worse. Of the four major hormones they look at I don’t even register with a number on 2 of them and the other two have a number so low as to put me in middle to low range of an 80 year old woman. Which brings me to my bone density scan. I DO have the body of an 80 year old woman! Osteoporosis with a high fracture risk in my spine (L1-L4) and osteopenia in my hips. Swell.

In my follow up appointment we discussed all my results and issues. I found out that I don’t have RA so my trigger finger is unrelated. We went over the best combination of hormones to try to get me back into normal to high ranges for my age. We also discussed all of my gastro issues and she recommended a full food allergy panel (why has no other doctor asked for this? we know I have at least one major food allergy, there are likely to be others) to try and help reduce inflammation in my body by eating the right foods. So another 12 vials of blood down and I’m waiting on those results now.

My trigger finger has flared up again. The first issue was in October of last year when I couldn’t even bend it. Now it just aches all the time and my range of motion is less. I went in for another injection but if this one doesn’t solve the problem our only other option is surgery. So far? It’s looking like I’ll get another surgery under my belt as the injection has only served to bruise my hand and my pain level is the same as before.

In my follow up with my primary care, I let him know about my osteo and he was shocked. He also told me I was too young for any of the osteo medications or treatments. I’m continuing weight bearing exercise like yoga and keeping up my calcium intake. We drew blood (ANOTHER VIAL, HAVE I ANY LEFT?) to check my vitamin B levels to see how that treatment is going. If my levels haven’t dropped drastically after moving the injections down to once a month, we’ll stick with that schedule.

Soon I’ll schedule an appointment with the gastro (I’d like my food allergy results first) and I probably will just wait on the ENT. I feel like there is no sense in having another sinus surgery when I am just going to continue to live in a place that I am allergic to and will barrage my face with more inflammation and scarring.

And hopefully I’ll start regular acupuncture for my migraines soon. I had a multiple day one this week that kept me out of yoga class. My hair is finally a little less hurty today so maybe it’s going to let go.

This body is a lemon. I demand a refund.

Muladhara Chakra

So now we get into the individual chakras. The first being Muladhara Chakra or Root Chakra.

Sanskrit name: Muladhara
Meaning: Root Support
Element: Earth
Function: Survival
Color: Red
Sense: Smell
Seed Sound: Lam
Chief Operating Force: Gravity
Demon: Fear
Foods: Protein, meats
Inner state: stillness, security
Animal: Elephant

Please let me know if you have any questions, if I covered information that you find helpful and what information you might find more helpful that I could include in the next one.

The Chakra System

The Chakra video is up, today has been a day and the first video included a dog puking in the hallway and a dog barking (FOR NO REASON) until I threatened her with death so this final version has a janky ass edit and the second part is super quiet for some reason, turn it up after it goes dark for a second.

Hopefully it makes some sense. The next video will be chakra specific.

Let me know if you have questions after watching, I can answer them in the next video.

A little Mala chat

I did a little video, I think it’s a bit all over the place and this was like the 7th one so I left out things and said things wrong with each new re-record. Let me know what questions you’d like me to answer and I’ll do another.

Also, the forward facing does pretty well with photos but with video it’s not so hot. Switching back to iPad or the real camera for the next.