Since I last mentioned starting out in my journey with yoga, I’ve completed my 3 “new” classes at the intro rate. I took two restorative classes and one Candlelight Vin Zen class which combines a vinyasa class with some restorative poses at the end. I was not prepared for the speed at which the vinyasa flowed, but with the exception of Half Moon Pose, I mainly was able to hold my own and at least attempt everything. Half Moon was not only difficult from a balance point but also because it stirred up all the concrete in my sinuses and after the second or third forward rotation, I thought I might vomit from the pressure in my face. I gave up at that point and just retreated into Childs Pose. After that experience I thought I should try a class they offer called Gentle Yoga which has a lot more modifications for damaged people such as myself.

In Gentle, my form was corrected more than once and I made the decision that I should start over with a beginner’s workshop that was coming up. I have done yoga many times but not really since the injuries that have pulled my right side so far out of alignment and my muscles have compensated far more than I thought. I know I am out of whack, I can feel it every day, but I didn’t really do the mental math of how much that would affect how my hip would be turned doing a hamstring stretch or how tight EVERYTHING (my hamstrings ARE A JOKE) is just to try and carry my frame. All of this is explained in the fact that I am in pain every day and have been for well over a year, even when I was in physical therapy, it never went fully away. I’m just so used to it now that I don’t consider what it does to my abilities.

Tuesday was the first beginner’s class and our instructor gave a great tip on how to ground your palms for better support and taking the weight off the wrists. I was very mindful of the corrections I had received on my form for downward dog previously and am hopeful I kept that line better. We practiced easy three part breath and some basic forms. I asked for a modification in beginning chaturangas as my shoulder still locks when I try to lower myself through to plank. I don’t have a fluidity of motion because I can’t properly support myself. We learned about the terms for things and the purpose of doing yoga in the first place.

I’m adjusting to different teaching styles and methods. It’s easiest for me when they are similar either in cadence, voice, methodology or flow. I need some similarity to grasp at so I can be comfortable and pay better attention, otherwise I am thrown off and can’t relax. So I need to get myself to focus on my breathing and just try without being so focused on nerves or trying to do things “right”. Being more in the room is one of my struggles as things haven’t just come as easily to me as before I was injured. And of course being more in that room in the midst of the drama shit storm we live in, is one of the reasons I am going.

Tonight I signed up for a Chakra + Meditation class and I am really excited about it. I love that this studio has so many options and so many ways to find your own path. They have a class that combines acupuncture and yoga which I likely will try in April. Even though I mess up constantly or can’t do things the way I wish I would, I still look forward to going every week, that means I’m in the right place, I just have to get ME into the right place.

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