There has been a lot of conversation in my corner of the internet about people only showing the “perfect” sides of their lives on the internet. How people clean before taking pictures of their spaces. How they aren’t taking pictures of themselves sans make-up or without their hair done. How they aren’t snapping pics of their kids while they are tantruming over there on the floor. Which…hey, valid points but I’d like to present a different side of that coin, the perpetually sick side.

It gets really fucking old being sick all the time. When you are struggling with daily sinus/migraine/whatever else bullshit you get TIRED of your own life. You get fed up with hearing your own complaints. You feel ANNOYING and PATHETIC and if you are tired of yourself, how in the hell would you expect anyone else to want to be involved in your life? And that’s not even talking about the life you wish you were living. How you wish you were getting to be more active, how you wish you were doing all the things you love to do without being afraid of the pain or the pressure or wanting to crawl into a dark room and hide.

It’s exhausting and in a year or five years when I hopefully don’t feel like this anymore? I DON’T WANT TO REMEMBER IT. I DON’T WANT IT DOCUMENTED. I DON’T WANT THIS LIFE, YOU KNOW? I feel like this life is the lie. This feeling like crap all the time is the facade because this? THIS is not how people live. This is not how I should feel after spending $3000 for surgery, taking meds every day of my life, spraying crap up my nose every day, trying hippie solutions, buying large-scale equipment for my bedroom, etc.

So yes, I will be showing less of these pictures

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where my face is so swollen that my top lip is disappearing, trying to put make-up on hurt and I cried in my hotel room trying to pack and get out for the day and more of these

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where I went to some crazy replica of Stonehenge with my husband that same day.

or these where I saw my first field of bluebonnets in the 20 years I’ve lived in Tx
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I want to remember that I lived my life, regardless of my stupid illnesses and I will have my “perfect” pictures that prove it.

This entry was posted on Monday, April 15th, 2013 at 10:45 am and is filed under Neurosis, Photographing, Reminiscing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

8 Responses to “in defense of “Perfect””

april Says:

I try to give myself a rounded reminder of my life. I don’t want to spend all day whining but it helps to get that out there too. I don’t want to pretend life is all sunshine and rainbows because it’s not that either. HOWEVER when I look back, I only want to see the good things. This is probably why I whine in words and show pictures of the good.

Home Sweet Sarah Says:

Good for you! (Although DAMN I hope you get to feeling better soon.)

Alice Says:

i cringed so hard when i saw that pic of you this weekend. you poor, poor thing. i can’t wait until you can get out of tx, GAH.

i get kind of eye-rolly around these people who scold others for only showing perfect parts of their life. guess what – when i go out? aka when i make the conscious decision to show myself in public where people have the ability to judge me? i put on makeup. i do my hair. i wear clothes that i hope are flattering. why is it so wrong to want to present that side of yourself online too?? sure, none of us are made up 24/7 and always cute. AND SO?? the parts of myself that i CHOOSE to share with the public – whether it’s the online public or the in-real-life-public – are just that: the parts I CHOOSE to share. I don’t see why that’s up for debate.

K Says:

Oh, my sweet friend. I’m so sorry about your pain and the need of constant measures to try and keep it at bay. “Stupid illnesses” indeed.

Blondie Says:

Hugs – and a hearty “amen!”
There is no way I was going to take picture and document the lovely stitches in my forehead, chest and ear over theater 4 weeks. The gorgeous black eyes and swollen face that wouldn’t me get my contacts in or out from all the numbing shots. Who want to relive that crap?? I try to pretend its not there and live and remember the good – I don’t want to dwell. It’s bad enough it happened in the first place and knowing its probably going to happen again.

I hope you’re feeling better. I’m going to go into work, take a migraine pill and smile when people ask me if I fell or had a car wreck. Hugs

Michelle Says:

I just want to hug you. Your daily photos of your walks make me smile so much. I want to walk with you.

Sensibly Sassy Says:

I hear ya, I really feel like when you (me) look at the good that surrounds you it can see more good, more frequently. BUt yeah, the less perfect side does exist-hey when you feel it share it but if ya don’t, rock on none the less.

Blondie Says:

You know – the more I think about this the more it irritates me. Who cares if people always put the “best” of themselves out there? Isn’t that what we all do everyday any way? Seriously – some people need to get a life if they have that much yo e on their hands to dwell on other people’s “interne appearances”

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    I'm a 30-something mother of 1 boy and 3 large fur-babies, with an unhealthy addiction to fashion, decorating, shoes, photography, music and the internets. I blather on more in the "about me" section and well, in every blog post, that after all is the nature of the beast, is it not?
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