Just Expressive

As I was bullied into putting up the Christmas tree yesterday; I thought hey, there is a blog post in the making!

In all honesty, we pulled out the tree so we could take family Christmas pics in front of it, but once it was up- Sprog insisted that we decorate it all the way and that we pull out his tree (he has one for his room) and get it all decorated with lights and everything.

I usually don’t want anything Christmas up in the house until December because I am a person that keeps it up until 12th night (January 6th) and that is a long ass time to have it all up around the house collecting dust.

For some reason I decided we should include the dogs in our picture because I apparently snorted crack in my sleep (I did ask Willy why he was wearing a red helmet when he got up to pee in the middle of the night-I saw it on his head GLOWING plain as day y’all) and lets just say that was a stupid effing idea. The dogs were having none of it and almost knocked the camera over, Maddie yelped when Willy tried to get her in his lap and then later peed on the floor when he just looked at her. We tried to coerce them with treats but that turned them into raging ADHD psychopaths and it was insane in the membrane.

Here are some pics and then I’ll go back to talking about the tree.

So here is where we tried with all three (and actually got all three on “film”) Maddie is that dark thing in the bottom left corner. Mayday is blurred because she and Maddie are both going for the treat that is in my hand. I don’t know if it’s obvious but the upper part of the tree is undecorated because I only intended to crop in close on the zoom but didn’t have the chance before this picture when the dogs were going all crazy town.

Here is attempt number two and the shadow on Izzy is Maddie roaming around enjoying her sweet camera freedom.

Here we have Mayday convinced to wear the antlers on her head for long enough to get a pic. She got another treat for this.

And finally no dogs in sight.

Well… that was a fun little experiment. I don’t think we’ll be doing the stereotypical family in front of the tree shot again. First and last time evah!

So the tree. I’m a tree person, as in I like to SEE the tree underneath the ornaments. I don’t like to bling the thing within an inch of it’s life. Apparently the sprog is a mad blinger. He helped me with the big tree this year and we had to talk about restraint, filling in gaps and balance. Is it bad that I am so anal about this? Like Wills said, it’s not to the point that every branch is symmetrical like Ma-maw’s tree (she alternates every icicle and apple and garland), but I don’t like it when you have a shitload of ornaments all clumped together over here and then nothing over there, you know?

I have a theme for the tree, which seems to be a theme in the house really, I love peacock feathers. I am insane for them. I have that going on, on the tree. I don’t have any sentimental ornaments, those go on the Sprog’s tree. I have 4 peacocks on the tree, 2 copper butterflies with peacock feathered wings, some feather pouf things, some copper magnolias, some large mercury glass balls, a copper sequin ball, 4 balls in jewel colors that have velvet and sparkles on them and 2 krinkles ornaments. The rest are just ball ornaments in the colors of a peacock’s feather. All the lights are white and the top of the tree is a beaded star in purple with a burgundy velvet bow underneath and we have a burgundy corduroy tree skirt.

I’m thinking if I can get enough stuff on sale, I might switch up the tree to be all white and silver mercury glass next year, just to have something different for a year or two. We’ll see. I already have a lot of silver ball ornaments that are old and faded and some snowflake ornaments I got last year. Do y’all do themes or sentimental stuff on your trees? What about the rest of your decorations? Stockings?

The rest of my theme is “reindeer and trees”. I have 4 bronze reindeer and a little bronze sleigh that goes on the entertainment center along with my burgundy feather trees. I also have some gold trees I got at the dollar store years ago for work that I need to figure out where to put in the house, maybe in the guest bathroom or something. My stockings are monster feet as you may remember, and this year I may use our old stockings for the dogs on the mantle.

I am still thinking about getting a giant inflatable Grinch for the front yard.

So we of the crazy ventured out into the black friday fray yesterday. (Not at o dark thirty in the morning and we made no special arrangements or efforts or anything.) We did get one gift on sale and Sprog got a new pair of jeans at Old Navy for a deep discount, had I not been commando: I probably would’ve grabbed some jeans for myself as well. Other than that, it was just regular shopping for us. I also picked up a tri-pod for myself; I can’t wait to play around with it.

As of this moment, we are over halfway done with our Christmas list. HOORAY. This makes my grinchy heart happy. The sooner I get it over with, the better

It looks like we might even be able to get gifts for each other as we have been spreading out the present buying each paycheck and I have sprog’s set up to go where it won’t come out of a paycheck at all (hopefully). There are people in our neighborhood that have their Christmas lights up all ready and one house around the corner from us that seem to have a blow up scene for each holiday, they just took down their giant turkey to immediately replace it with the Christmas stuff. I am threatening to go find a giant blow up Grinch or a sign that says BAH HUMBUG and illuminate it with one spotlight. I also threaten to make a sign that says “ho fucking ho” but Wills doesn’t seem so keen on that one and thinks we might get stoned in the streets by the neighbors.

Maybe…I should do up the outside in a “Nightmare Before Christmas” theme? Surely I can squeak by with that? A giant Jack Skelington in a Santa hat? Decisions, decisions.

We got the invitation in the mail to the company Christmas party yesterday and I might need to re-think my dress. Apparently it’s going to be in a wine cellar that is consistently between 63-68 degrees and I’m afraid I might freeze my ass off but it also said that it’s a dining experience (on the website is where we are getting this info) for only 10 guests, obviously this is going to be a lot more than 10 guests….so maybe the info is off? Wills is going to talk to the chick that organized it on Monday about the location (what are we going to do cram in there like cattle) and the food. Oh right, I didn’t mention that the menu on the website is OVERWHELMINGLY seafood. Like there is ONE appetizer that isn’t seafood and it’s onion rings. I feel like I am hurtling towards my death; I guess I need to go get my scrip filled for my epi-pen before we go. Funny thing: I had a dream about doing just that for this party the other day and now this, anyone think that was an omen?

Finally: thanks to the hubs for the changes to the site! The blogroll is now at the top under the links tab and the sidebar has been all cleaned up. It was looking way too cluttered around here.

I’ve been up since 5:30 on a day when Sprog doesn’t even have school…that’s when you know that things aren’t good.

So today we will play a game and distract ourselves from what is going on, mmmkay?

The movie quote meme is going ’round right now and boy howdy do I love a good movie quote. I drop quotes into daily conversations ALL THE TIME whether people always catch onto them or not.

The lawyer-y bits:

I stole this meme from Karen and Moo. Here are the rules:

1. Pick A Baker’s Dozen of movies (holiday or otherwise, because probably by the time you get to this post, you’ll have done this a million times and I couldn’t care less about holiday films and LORD GET TO IT ALREADY), because it’s all about the food this time of year. (so true Moo, so true)
2. Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them on your blog for everyone to guess.
4. Fill in the film title once it’s guessed.

This part is for you, the reader:

No Googling or using IMDB search functions.
Leave your answer(s) in the comments.
Whoever guesses each one correctly first will get the credit.

Alright now, here are your quotes, I am doing more than 10 and less than 30. We’ll see how many it turns out to be once I am done with all my searches.

1. 37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks! “Clerks”, Coconut Diaries

2. I know you couldn’t have known my position, cause’ you’re not that stupid that if you did, you wouldn’t have turned up here scratching your arse with that “what’s going on here” look slapped all over your chevy chase! But what you do know is where these people live. “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels”, Annenayne

3. I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly… “Anchorman”, Tied Up With A Black Velvet Band

4. Who’s your Daddy now? “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”, Coconut Diaries

5. Is it bigger than a baby’s arm? “Pump Up The Volume”, Elena

6. Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie. “Clueless”, Tied Up With A Black Velvet Band

7. You’ll get nothing, and like it. “Caddyshack”, Annenayne

8. … I am McLovin! “Superbad”, Coconut Diaries

9. Ever fired your gun in the air and yelled, ‘Aaaaaaah?’ “Hot Fuzz”, Xkalibur

10. Yeah, but takin’ off is for shit… I’ll work it out. “Escape From New York”

11. Happy hunting, Sebastian. “Cruel Intentions”, Coconut Diaries

12. I don’t eat shellfish. Mom always says, “Don’t ever eat nothin’ that can carry its house around with it. Who knows the last time it’s been cleaned.” She should know. “Drop Dead Gorgeous”

13. Sushi. That’s what my ex-wife called me – cold fish. “Blade Runner”

14. I already got a fuckin’ Swatch. “Go!”, Annenayne

15. Do you think me wicked? “Sleepy Hollow”

16. She keeps an apartment. I keep goldfish. “The Thomas Crowne Affair”, Elena

17. What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music? “High Fidelity”, Annenayne

18. Like I’m gonna put a bullet hole in your fuckin’ forehead, and I’m gonna fuck the brain hole! “Grosse Pointe Blank”

19. Desperation – it’s the world’s worst cologne. “Singles”, Pecos

20. Now that’s a real shame when folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that. “Better Off Dead”, Tied Up With A Black Velvet Band

21. Evidently Mr. Ringo’s an educated man. Now I really hate him. “Tombstone”

22. Respect a man’s car, a man respects you. “Transporter 2″, Karen

23. Chip, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey! “Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby”, Xkalibur

(Random fun fact: save for two quotes, I love every movie on here-if that gives you any idea of my movie going taste. One of the two #22 is Sprog’s choice and the other one, the quote applies!)

Dear self,

Get off your ass and go to the grocery store already. Yes, I get that you are tired, your head hurts and you really don’t want to but get over your self. You can’t go complaining about people not wearing their grown-up pants and then play on the internets instead of doing your chores. You have responsibilities on Thanksgiving and um a few cans of beans from the pantry is not going to cut it. For serious. I promise it will only be more heinous the longer you put it off so stop your internal bitching (maybe this is why your head hurts?) and get it over with all ready! You bore me. Big damn baby.

PS. You can only have more of that eclair in the fridge if you get this done. Don’t argue.

P.P.S. Don’t forget to re-wash the laundry you forgot about yesterday. Well done, you.

We went to Ren Fest again yesterday (that’s technically twice in a week if you run the week Sunday-Saturday) and now I think our Fest season is done for this year, which makes me sad. There is always a chance that we might decide to go on Black Friday but since we are trying to save some money and I bought some things yesterday; I doubt it very seriously.

I love Fest. I would be fully content going every weekend for the season if I could (which is 6 weekends) and just hanging out to people watch. I love playing dress-up and Ren Fest is like Halloween being extended for me, which you should all know is a VERY GOOD THING. By now I have a fairly decent costume closet but it can always be better and it can always grow. There are many things that I still want and there are things that I would still like to have, to tweak what I’ve already got.

This year I wore two different dresses:

This green number with the sheer sleeves and beading trim at the bodice. It’s a former would be bridesmaids dress for a wedding that I was snowed out of attending (she lived in OK and there was a blizzard). I stamped some designs at the bottom but otherwise this dress so far is as is. Also, I know my eyes are closed in this pic but the other pic the creepy centaur is looking down my dress very obviously and he makes me shudder so ugh. Yes, I said centaur. His back half is a horse and he can even swish his tail.

and then yesterday

My copper velvet dress. I have had this thing for YEARS. Unfortunately, a few years ago I sewed some embellishment to the bottom that was way too long (note to self: measuring is good) and it made it pretty much unwearable. Last year I decided to correct the problem but then my sewing machine had a melt down of epic proportions after I got one sleeve started. This year, I undid the one sleeve I started last year and regrouped. The result is what you see above. I added the thin gold trim on the sleeves (the black velvet ribbon and below was already there) and all the stuff at the bottom. The bottom thick trim and the sleeve trim were sewed by hand: over 4 yards! It took for FUCKING EVER. After all that hand sewing, I just used fabric glue for the black velvet ribbon. I’m so excited this dress is finished and wearable again.

Here we have Johnny and Sarah:

She made both of their costumes, including her chain mail necklace. Isn’t that amazing? I spent a good bit of time walking behind her and I have to say that it looked just as good from the back! (she also made our friend Forest’s costume but he wasn’t thrilled that I took his pic so I’m not posting it) We are both going to be working on barbarian costumes for next year and I am excited to see what she is going to come up with, I bet it’s going to be awesome!

Last weekend was kid weekend like mentioned and the kid in the pic with the centaur is my niece, here she is with her turkey leg:

and Sprog had one of his own as well

As you can see, not everyone is in costume. People tend to go in whatever the hell they want. Usually there is at least one storm trooper, although this year Darth Vader was there instead. This weekend there was a man wearing a foil covered box, he was apparently a robot. There is also a new court of oddities: they have a king and queen, a monkey boy, a bird man, this thing wearing horns (not sure what he was), various things with fangs and weird ears and some woman with growths on her face. There was even a group of lepers. Very interesting.

I brought Wills flask (mine is red and doesn’t match) and was nipping scotch most the day so that was nice. I found a store that has flasks with built in hangers for a decent cost so I might buy one of those and use my red one for something else. I also have a list of other things I want to buy, it’s a dangerous place. I did end up getting a feather fascinator yesterday but I can wear it for other things, a pouch to put my flask in but Wills can use it too and a ceramic bird feeder that I have wanted since last year (pictures of that once I get it up outside) all in all, not near as much damage as we inflicted last year.

Any of you that want to come festing with us next year, you are totally welcome! We’ll take you to see Shakespeare as a penis joke! We’ll get you various meats: smoked, on a stick or on the bone! We might even get you drunk!

First, I’m home during the day. Y’all know that right? I’m rapidly losing my grip on my sanity some days (thank you insane fucking barking dog patrol and TEENAGER MOOD SWINGS OF DOOM) and other days I see things like this

and calm is once again restored; after the tears stopped, that is. I was very touched by this thoughtful little girl and want to say “good on you” to her parents, what an amazingly sweet and talented daughter you’ve raised; I wish everyone could be that way. I’ve made my feelings on Prop 8 (and all the others) known already but just because I don’t talk about it every day, doesn’t mean that it has just gone away. I have added a page over there on the right just underneath the contact me that contains the link to my post about it along with the ones that inspired mine: Swistle’s, Eating Out Loud’s and Diary of a Modern Matriarch’s (if you haven’t checked hers lately, I encourage you to look at how many have participated now-warms the cockles I tell you) so it’s a permanent fixture on this blog now.

From the extremely touching, to the extremely ridiculous: The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

OMG. Are y’all watching this trash?

The previews for the reunion show look amazingly horrid. I’m sure it will be disappointing in comparison but with Nenee and Lisa, there is always a chance that it won’t. I wish I wasn’t so addicted to this crap but oh my goodness, it’s so deliciously bad.

and finally, the big question of the day, are you a Woo Girl?

The following is an excerpt from a phone call I received yesterday afternoon, the name of the caller has been redacted to protect the “innocent” and per her request since she also said this should be blogged about; people are starting to request being featured on the blog, albeit some anonymously. I will be paraphrasing some of this because, I have slept since yesterday.

caller: …so that is the plan for dinner.

me: (hearing voices in the background) Are you still at work?

caller: No, I’m at Wal-mart. I had to pick up some stuff and a pregnancy test.

me: A pregnancy test? I thought you said you weren’t!

caller: Well I’m not. I already took it and it’s negative.

me: Wait. You already took it? I thought you said you were at Wal-Mart.

caller: I am. I did it in the bathroom.

me: YOU TOOK A PREGNANCY TEST IN THE WAL-MART BATHROOM??

caller: What? I had to know! and the box said you don’t have to wait for morning pee anymore.

me: OMG. I can’t believe you did that! *laughing*

caller: Yeah, I still need to pay for it too.

me: WHAT? You basically shoplifted a pregnancy test?

caller: I WAS GOING TO PAY FOR IT!

me: HOLY SHIT! *laughing so hard I can barely speak now*

caller: I AM GOING TO PAY FOR IT! I swear! It’s not like I put the used one back in the box or anything. That would be gross.

me: *still laughing*

caller: See, I’m the one you want in a pinch because I’ll do WHATEVER it takes to help you with your problem.

me: APPARENTLY.

me: It’s a good thing you didn’t get busted on the way to the bathroom.

caller: BUT, I WAS GOING TO PAY FOR IT!

me: *starts laughing all over again*

I’m the mayor of sad town (rapidly approaching an annex of the neighboring town of bitter as the holidays approach) and today I have indulged in some coping measures.

Sad songs on the iPod:
Cat Power-Wild is the Wind
A Fine Frenzy-Almost Lover
A Fine Frenzy-Hope for the Hopeless
Damien Rice-Delicate
Jeff Buckley-Hallelujah
Fiona Apple-The Child is Gone
Bif Naked-Lucky

Touching pictures of the hubs with the newest nephew, who is now a month old, when we saw them for Sunday dinner:

and finally PUPPY CAM!

Six Puppies in San Francisco bring you joy

We are leaving for the hospital again here in a few…as depressing as the Cancer Ward is, I feel better being with her than being so far away. It also feels right being there for Wills, he does so much for me, being the “Queen’s own taste tester and all”* and I know that he needs my strength right now.

*There is a funny story to this that I will explain soon. Suffice it to say, I am the Queen.

So the Sprog has started asking for things for Christmas; it’s that time of year again, the time of year every parent comes to dread.

Being the spoiled rotten bratola that he is, the Sprog has decided that this year he wants an iPhone 3g.

He also thinks that it is not utterly RIDICULOUS that a 13 year old child with a prior history of washing both his phone and his iPod shuffle, should have a better phone than both his parents. So convinced of this is he, that he demanded that I post it on my blog and get y’alls input. So internet, what say you? Would you buy an iPhone 3g for a 13 year old? Let me add that he PROMISES not to take it to school, that he will get the one with the lowest memory to make it cheaper (aw, so generous-my child), that he has been MUCH BETTER about checking is pockets and he won’t load it down with applications right away. Oh! He’ll also help pay the fees by actually doing his chores (for a change).

(how hilarious is it that he demanded I blog this and get y’alls input?)

Lung Cancer.

They are currently draining the fluid from her lung and once that is complete, in a day or two, they will start the chemo. The doctors are sounding less upbeat now and Willy is trying to meet a hard deadline at work so that we can get to the hospital. I’m off to light a candle and say some words.

Thank you for all your well wishes, e-mails, phone calls and texts. I really do appreciate it.