a setback

We have been working very hard at clearing our credit card debt, again. You see, we had ALL of our credit cards paid off and then we decided to pull out the carpet and put down the Pergo floors AND THEN we went into the year of suck cycles and suddenly had more than just the floors on credit cards again…but now that we are so close to being totally paid off again?

We have this situation

Sunday, Sprog and I were driving back home after delivering some handmade bouquets and bouts (I can’t spell the word so I’m not going to attempt it) to my lovely friend Kristie and we had just stopped at the Buc-ee’s in Madisonville. Now, Sprog drove the whole way to Ft. Worth on Saturday, and done a great job, so there was absolutely no reason for me to take the keys but I insisted I drive the rest of the way and obviously I am so glad that I did. Just outside of Huntsville, where the speed limit is still 75mph, I was doing around 82 mph in the left lane when my engine just quit. QUIT. I swear it was so freaking scary. There was traffic everywhere and everyone was FLYING on that road. Somehow I had the presence of mind enough to get my blinker on and get us off the road before we totally lost speed but I could only get us off to the left hand shoulder, which isn’t the safest place to be. I had Sprog climb through the driver’s side and then we pushed my car a little further off to the side but no so far that the eventual wrecker wouldn’t be able to get us.

No one stopped. NO ONE. I called my husband freaking the fuck out. I’m not even going to pretend I was calm and collected or knew what to do. My phone wouldn’t let me dial the wrecker’s number he gave me. I called our insurance (we have road-side assistance) and they gave me a number and my phone wouldn’t dial that either! I finally was able to get my phone to contact a wrecker by looking it up on google and clicking the call button under the listing. The dispatcher was a miserable bitch to me and gave me shit about what side of the road I was on. Um, lady, cars are WHIZZING PAST ME at 85-90 mph, I can’t PUSH A DEAD CAR ACROSS TWO LANES OF TRAFFIC. A state trooper FLEW past me and I was PISSED that he didn’t stop…but what I didn’t know was that he at least had the decency to call us in so that a sheriff’s deputy eventually came to help us. The wrecker dispatch told us 45 minutes. My husband was over an hour away. The deputy checked under my hood to try and figure out something that *might* get me back on the road at least to the closest gas station and called a priority code to get the wrecker to move his ass. He was SO NICE. Seriously, very kind.

It was approximately 1 million degrees out there while we waited and since the median has all that tall grass there were bugs just flying and crawling and jumping into my car the whole time. Plus, every car that flew by shook my car. It was dicey.

Then the wrecker showed up and proceeded to tell us about the BUS that PLOWED INTO one of their trucks on the same stretch of road AND TWO OF THEIR DRIVERS not two weeks ago. So that was reassuring. The deputy walked alongside me and Sprog as we made our way IN TRAFFIC into the cab of the wrecker and then he escorted the truck out into the road so we could make it safely out of there. I had no idea where we were even going as I live 70 miles away but the driver suggested a FIRESTONE (seriously. OMG) because the “other place” which is a Chevy dealership is closed on Sunday and locks their gates so we couldn’t even leave the car there.

All told, it took us over 8 hours to get home on Sunday. EIGHT HOURS.

My car sat there yesterday without anyone even looking at it because their “lead tech” wasn’t even in (again, OMG) and I just can’t even believe this is happening. I mean yes, I know my car is 10 years old BUT it only had 74,000 on it.

The general consensus is the timing belt but we don’t know what if any damage was done to the engine by it cutting out at that speed (if that is even what happened) so we have no idea if the car is even worth fixing at this point. (given the fact that we just had 4,300 worth of work done to it in December because of the wreck-we only paid our deductible + $100 for the rental car overage of course but that wreck seriously reduced any trade-in value it had) I opened my husband’s iPad last night and the first tab was talking about when to scrap, donate or fix a car. ACK!!

We were trying to buy Sprog a car. Willy’s car is not yet paid off. This is not what we need to be dealing with right now. I am so very frustrated and upset, I just can’t even.

slightly less crooked but way more snotty

PT has been going well. At first I went twice a week but after my therapist heard that it’s a $50 co-pay for me every time I go, he immediately wanted to scale it back to once a week and see if I could get by on that and at home exercises. Some of the adjustments are sticking better than others and we’ve had to modify some of the exercises but so far so good. I am working really hard to get this all sorted out and maybe at some point we’ll get to stop futzing with my rib every week.

Mainly it’s just keeping the adjustment in check but I’ve actually had it completely dislocate again, also, since my dog tripped me in the middle of the night and I caught myself poorly.

And overall, it’s been a lot more work on my cervical (neck) spine than I was originally prepared for, which has had the very awesome side effect of me not having near daily migraines. It’s A FREAKING MIRACLE to not be in constant head pain. I have also made adjustments to how I sleep. I am still a side sleeper but I try not to tuck my head and neck down like I used to do and keep it as level as possible. I have a lot less numbness in my shoulders this way, which helps.

Of course my sinus has stepped in to fill that pain void with another infection. I am trying to ignore it (because that is obviously the wisest course) and just treat it with neti pot, drying meds (like mucinex) and my regular allergy meds as I really don’t want yet another round of antibiotics. I also found mold on the A/C register directly over my side of the bed so that’s the most likely culprit. It’s been removed and will be replaced (all others are clean), we’re running the de-humidifer in our bedroom and will watch the new register to see if any mold returns. It’s probably due to a leak we had in the attic recently because of the A/C drain valve.

And in what is surely the most painful decision for me, I’m cutting down on my dairy intake. I don’t know that I can go full vegan yet but I am making conscious decisions to remove it where I can, make dairy-free replacements for things I NEED (like ranch dressing) and just trying not to let myself think about other things (LIKE CHEESE FTLOG) we’ll see if that really has any effect on my inflammation issues.

Hopefully I can resume normal human type stuff on the regular…

housekeeping

bullet pointed for your pleasure (not much with the caps or grammar or punctuation though, fair warning)

* my back has been kicking my butt for over two weeks now with little to no improvement. I’ve had x-rays and multiple dr appts. I’ve had multiple medications. I’ve had an MRI and fights with my insurance. Last night it was decided I will now be doing PT for at least the next two weeks if not more. Good times.

* yesterday was my 7 year wedding anniversary to my most excellent husband. we didn’t do anything and I’m totally okay with that. we hopefully will get a date night this weekend, instead.
Screen Shot 2012-06-12 at 9.20.44 AM

* my most excellent husband still gave me a gift anyway, a pair of the new strappy Toms wedges, I heart them long time.
Screen Shot 2012-06-12 at 9.18.44 AM

* our Keurig is leaking water all over the counter. this is the second morning in a row without coffee (this would be the reason I can’t be bothered to care about the rules of proper writing)

* attended the lovely engagement party for Kristie and Duvain hosted by A’Dell and Jennie. I love them all and I hate that I don’t get to see them more often. I miss being around people I like.
Screen Shot 2012-06-12 at 9.15.42 AM

Screen Shot 2012-06-12 at 9.22.48 AM

* On the way back from the engagement party we happened across a CRAZY HUGE field of sunflowers, it was amazing and I had a ball taking pics. I got some really good shots. I’ll share those tomorrow.

* Flip flop swap match e-mails have all been sent (it wasn’t until they were all sent that I realized I called it the scarf swap in the first sentence. SEE NO COFFEE)

enough love

Life has been hard lately.

Willy’s job has been very stressful on him and everyday it’s a blast of non-stop stress for at least 9 hours a day, most days without a lunch break, of break fixes and stop gap measures and sometimes really stupid choices that are being forced because of the hand that has been dealt. He’s a zombie most days, by the time we get him, or in a really bad mood on the other days.

We are still going through hard times with Sprog and his grades and his want of a car, but not my car-HEAVENS NO, and his want of a job but not any job and lamenting about how he doesn’t yet even have his license because I’m a mean horrible beastie that expects him to get his shit straight with school FIRST and I don’t really give two shits if he gets his license when he’s bringing home a FOURTY SIX on his report card. Even still, even when I don’t give two shits if he gets his license? I do get tired of the fighting and the whining and the flat guilt tripping manipulation attempts. I know my goal is right and I know what I am trying to accomplish is the best thing for him but damned if being the hard ass isn’t tiring as hell. Plus half the time when I’m trying to be the hard ass concerned parent the school would dream of a parent being? I have NO BACK-UP AT ALL because the teachers aren’t even putting in grades. I have no basis to check on him when I go to the grade viewer and NOTHING IS IN THERE. *sigh* or worse teachers that slap one grade in so they don’t get in trouble with their administration, I think everything is fine with my kid because the number at progress report time is good and then BAM report card time comes and he’s failed with no warning or notice. It’s bullshit and I’m tired.

I’m doctoring a dog daily that has allergies to GRASS. TO FUCKING GRASS. Her feet are a wreck. Her eyes are constantly running. She still has whatever sores on her body even though she’s getting twice weekly baths with special shampoo as prescribed by the vet and daily doses of benedryl to help her allergies. I am doctor quinn medicine woman all the time. I am waking up every night to stop her from chewing or rubbing or scratching at something.

And of course it’s high allergy season so my own head, nose, sinus situation is a wreck and now Sprog is all snotted up too…and even Willy is starting to have problems. It’s like I have given everyone around me my allergy problems through osmosis. Allegra FOR EVERYONE.

The other dog is acting like a puppy again and EATING ALL THE THINGS. The other day she threw up a scarf and a hair tie. Essentially she swallowed them WHOLE apparently and I have no idea how that didn’t kill her or how long they had even been in her stomach since she didn’t leave the evidence of her doing it. All the trash cans have to have lids again and I can’t even trust her with ponytail holders? She got busted rifling through my suitcase looking for another one last night. WHAT IS THAT?

On top of all this assorted loveliness is the fact that a friend of mine passed away Monday. I found out Sunday that she was in the hospital with end-stage liver failure and then less than 24 hours later she was just gone. We were the same age. She had recently gotten married. She was a bright, vibrant, talented, beautiful woman who is a light to anyone that was lucky enough to know her and now she’s gone…just like that. This is the fourth time I’ve lost someone my own age, three of my friends died in High School…THREE…one of the stages of my grief is always wondering if they knew how I felt about them. If I showed them enough love. If I told them enough. If I thanked them enough for whatever way/however they touched my heart.

I’ve already mentioned many traits about Keite but one of the ways she touched me the most was spending the day with us when we were on vacation and coming to Alcatraz so she could experience it with Sprog. The fact that she was so excited to meet and hang out with my boy? Straight to my heart. The fact that she added to our excursion with one of her favorite places Musee Mechanique which she thought Sprog might like (and she was right, he absolutely adored it) just went above and beyond. I will always be thankful to her for that (among other things) because loving my boy is one of the best things anyone could ever do for me.

PB070026
RIP Keite, Love You.

this wasn’t part of our deal 2012

2011 aka the year of suck 10th anniversary edition is OVER, HOORAY!

So that means, of course, that all the crap that kept continually going wrong last year is also OVER, HOORAY! Or not. After yesterday, it’s a definite OR NOT. But let me back up a moment and fill y’all in on how things were going before I get to that bit. I haven’t really been posting much or tweeting much or FB’ing nearly at all and the reason for all of this? I have been sick since Christmas. No voice for over a week (even with vocal rest that my dr commanded) due to a sinus infection and acute laryngitis. The first few days were spent freezing my ass off in a 60 degree house underneath a down comforter and being fully dressed. Awful. No sleep. Horrible head and throat pain. Side effects from the anti-biotics include trying not to vomit for at least an hour a day, for 10 days. I will be done with them on the 12th-two days before my 37th b-day.

Then a week ago I was eating a soft taco for dinner when one of my teeth BROKE IN HALF. Yes. Fortunately I felt it happen and didn’t end up swallowing the tooth shard and also fortunate that it didn’t hurt. Even during the whole week I had to wait for a dental appt, I experienced no tooth pain…but ate soft foods for several days and only on one side of my mouth.

Yesterday was the dental appt.

I walked in at 12 figuring that something was going to happen with the tooth but not exactly sure of what. I also walked in FREAKED OUT because I haven’t been to a dentist in a ridiculous amount of years. I hate the drill, I hate the after pain (I got fillings last time with a different dentist and they did such a horrible job I couldn’t eat on one side of my mouth FOR MONTHS) I hate it all.

I left yesterday after 2 pm. OVER TWO HOURS being drilled on, having my tooth FILED, having a post CEMENTED INTO MY HEAD, having a root canal, GETTING MY GUMS LASERED and finally a temporary crown inserted. It was like a horror movie come to life. Have you ever had to smell your own flesh burning? OMG. The dentist was concerned at the amount my gums had grown into my tooth in the week since it broke and told me that she might have to cut that back. She also told me that it would be hugely sensitive and most likely painful even though I didn’t have any pain prior to walking in there so she shot me FULL UP on novocaine. 4 full syringes worth, I was numb TO MY EYE and yet I could still feel some of the gum work, they were that sensitive.

After all that work? I was given NO MEDS to manage pain. She told me to load up on Advil as soon as I got home and not wait for the pain to actually kick all the way in as by then it would be too late. Fortunately for me, I had some 800 mg motrin at home but even with that, I still feel my gums THROBBING in my head. My mouth was hugely swollen until almost 8 last night and even this morning my gums are still throbbing and swollen and tender.

$1242 WITH INSURANCE.

Oh and I have a freaking colonoscopy scheduled for the 17th but you can’t have taken any pain meds for 5 days prior which would be the 12th. I HIGHLY DOUBT my face is going to stop hurting in two days.

$500 with insurance (have to meet this year’s deductible)

So what up 2012? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER THAN YOUR PREDECESSOR!

the year of suck: 10th anniversary edition

I mentioned that shit has been breaking around here. I’ve mentioned the poor sick lizard. If you follow me on twitter or FB you know that Sprog wrecked my car (Penny and Blondie, Sprog wrecked my car)

Wrecked

and I briefly mentioned my sister’s health scare in one of those other posts but I realized a little bit ago that this year is the 10th anniversary of the year of suck and it all became clear.

The reason that not only is the lizard not better but that she had to be saved from choking to death yesterday while I fed her baby food that I have to custom make and hand feed to her during her 20 minute long soak in a bath where she refuses to hold up her own body weight. $311 for vet bills with no real idea what is wrong with her, other than the fact that she’s 18 years old and probably going to pass from kidney failure regardless.

The reason that in addition to all that other broken shit, our water main broke on a day that I was in bed with a raging migraine and answered the door to the poor plumber (called by the neighbor) in my bathrobe. $1149 and an entire day later we had water again.

The reason that while I am trying to recuperate from the accident with horrible whiplash, the medications gave me horrible diarrhea which was then topped by my dog tripping me in the dark and causing me to not only fall into my nightstand and give myself a lovely new bruise but to actually make my neck and shoulder worse as I was flailing blindly in the dark trying to catch myself.

The reason that the dealership has had my car since Wednesday and I only just got a call this morning because my discontinued car is rather hard to locate parts for, including my flames which the parts guy had NEVER HEARD OF OR SEEN in his 14 years with Chrysler. The flames are an OEM edition. IT CAME FROM CHRYSLER THAT WAY. *sigh*

The reason that we still don’t have a back fence because the “utility” vehicle in which we need to haul the posts? MY CAR.

The reason that my glasses were lost for over a week with two of us looking for them and then they magically appeared just SITTING OUT IN THE FUCKING OPEN where we had both looked many times. They weren’t underneath anything. They hadn’t fallen behind anything.

The reason that I had the weird fucking prednisone reaction that sent me to the ER.

The reason for the horrible, awful, no good summer with the endless drought.

The reason for the dishwasher debacle.

The reason for family members ignoring my child’s birthday AGAIN.

The reason for the weirdness re: my father.

The reason for my blog being hacked.

And everything else that has gone on, is going on and continues to upset me but that I don’t talk about here.

I’ll just be hiding in the corner rocking myself and humming until the rest of this year is OVER and *knocks on wood* the universe decides to stop fucking with me like a cat playing with their wounded prey. We are entering my LEAST FAVORITE time of year and the drama is showing no signs of letting up.

more about the poor tail-less lizard

So if you follow me on twitter, you know that Fred is not well, she’s not well at all. In fact, last week before The Blathering, I was pretty well convinced that she wasn’t going to make it through the night but damned if she’s not a tough OLD broad. She’s around 18 at this point and our old vet told us that they usually go from kidney failure around 15.

Anyway, she’s been not eating and generally lethargic for over a week now so Willy found an animal hospital that would take her and I brought her in.

fred

Here she is at the vet, looking more alert than I have seen her in days. She also was scratching the shit out of my arms. Where her tail stops in the picture is where her tail stops period. I’ll spare you the gory-ish details of her scarred over stump.

Anyway, this vet is not an avian and exotics vet (I MISS YOU DR CRUZEN) but he did his best and we paid a lot of money ($311) to really come away with no answers. She hasn’t been using her right side to walk so we got some x-rays to see if there was a break but unfortunately, she looks good there. In fact, for her age, she looks DAMN GOOD. Mama takes care of her babies, even the cold blooded ones. Anyway, she hardly even has any bone loss, there is no breakage. Her lungs sound good and he didn’t see any mouth sore or anything which leaves doing blood work and that would’ve been another $200 and if the blood work turned up the kidney failure that is highly probable at this age, there isn’t anything they can do for her anyway. So instead, I opted for a broad spectrum antibiotic to just cover that base as a last ditch effort to save her.

Beyond that and any possible neurological issue (like a stroke maybe?) we are flying blind here. She’s still not eating on her own and I’m not going to have her starve to death while we wait the 14 days on the anti-biotic so yesterday I whipped up some “baby-food” for her out of collard greens, calcium powder and apple sauce and proceeded to spoon-feed her while sitting in front of her space heater.

By the end of it I was covered in green goop but she had actually ingested three or four spoonfuls of food so at least it’s something. I’m going to try again every day to make sure we’re getting something in her and then we’ll soak her in the bath every couple of days to see if we can get her digestion going.

The amount of time and money we have spent caring for this animal is insane to me, she’s a lizard. It’s not like she’s a dog, it’s not like she comes to me with her tail wagging when I’ve had a shitty day…but everyone that has ever seen her, in person, always tells us how cute she is and how much personality she has, which must be part of it. And she does respond to my voice, visibly. The other part of it is that I can’t allow anything to suffer on my watch, cold blooded or no, if there is anything at all I can do about it.

shit breaks

Isn’t that a lovely title? I so love to mince words.

In the past….2-3 weeks or so we’ve

Lost our back fence in a storm
instagr.am
-Had half the plugs in the house went out in the same storm (but I figured that one out myself)
-Paid close to $700 in a/c repairs after it stopped working
-Had our lawn mower die on us (cracked gas tank)
-My USB port on my very expensive Canon camera no longer works
-Sprog’s cell phone no longer shows a screen but he isn’t eligible until 2012 for an upgrade
-I somehow lost the battery charger for my Canon and had to replace it
-My car is once again vibrating if you go over 50. Who doesn’t go over 50? Last time it did this the caliper pretty much fell off in Willy’s hand when he took my tire off. *sigh*
-The power auger we rented to make post hole digging easier on Willy not only leaked gasoline all over my car but turned out to be a waste of the rental fee because of all the tree roots so Willy is having to dig all the holes by hand anyway.
-The antibiotic they gave me to treat my sinus infection gives me HORRIBLE headaches. HORRIBLE.

the grinch turns apathetic

Y’all know, if you’ve been around here for any length of time, that Christmas is not my favorite. I collect Grinches to attest to that fact and even have one dangling from my stocking but this year it’s not so much my normal red hot hate of this season as it is a general I don’t care. I am totally going through the motions. The tree is up and decorated. The entertainment center-decorated, the dining room table-decorated(what little isn’t covered by Etsy stuff), the stockings are hanging.

We’ve bought some gifts but we’ve also had to agree not to buy each other anything as we used extra funds for trips earlier this year and there isn’t our usual overage in the tax account to shop for each other. So that’s slightly un-fun. Which, really we have too much crap as it is, we are constantly complaining about our house being too small and too packed with stuff. We desperately need to throw things out, so why should it be a problem that we aren’t getting each other anything? I guess because I like to buy my husband presents. Hmm.

Sprog doesn’t seem to care about Christmas either. If you ask him what he wants, it’s money and that’s it. He just shrugs otherwise. He didn’t get overly excited about doing Christmas cookies, although we did them over the weekend and he even decorated three: one regular, one zombie Santa and one as a chalk outline of a dead body with red sprinkles for the blood splatter. I didn’t get overly excited about doing them either, I was just focused on making the dough, rolling it out, cutting the shapes and baking them. It was just a lot another set of tasks to get through.

We went to go see Christmas lights after the cookies at this house in mom’s neighborhood that has over 60,000 lights and has them all set to music. It was…overwhelming. Some of the song choices were weird, I mean there was one about Santa getting stuck and rotting in the chimney? I didn’t get it. The boys seemed to like it, so that’s good.

This Friday will be first exchange of gifts so I best get on the wrapping and I have a few more of the kids (nieces and nephews) to finish as well as Sprog to buy for yet. More tasks to get through.

We haven’t had any parties this year and have received a few Christmas cards, I finally am getting mine in tomorrow so I can send some out.

I’m still dealing with the never ending sinus infection and I’m sure that feeling like crap day after day is just contributing to the general air of funk.

if you don’t have anything nice to say, disappear from the internets

apparently. At least that’s what I’ve pretty much done when it comes to the blog. We went to San Antonio over the weekend to cheer my cousin on at the Rock N Roll Marathon (and try to spot Jen, which sadly didn’t happen) and I have felt like ass ever since we came home. Every day is a new exercise in something making me cranky as all get out and I have been hella busy trying to get stuff done for the Etsy shop. I should also be getting things done around the house, hello pit of despair, but maybe this weekend. It seems that when cranky and headachy, I can only deal with so much….

Speaking of, I saw my mother yesterday. My birth mother, the one I haven’t laid eyes upon in what, 15 years now? This whole family business has had me on edge since the get but I tried to put it aside because from what my Aunt told me, they really didn’t have much contact with her, then yesterday I am looking through my second cousin’s SYTYCD album (yes, she went to their traveling road show thing) and all the sudden my heart hits my stomach. Oh, hello maternal unit. UGH. Of course she wasn’t tagged in the picture (and so far, doesn’t have a facebook) but given my reaction I knew it was her. The years of drinking and spending all her time in casinos has not, shall we say, been kind, so she looks quite a bit different but later my second cousin wrote in her name (with incorrect spelling btw) so it’s confirmed.

Now I have this

in my head. *sigh*