I finally got to follow-up with my doctor this morning about my basic food allergy test results. I’ve been both anticipating and dreading this appointment because I already am a vegetarian, I REALLY didn’t want to be TOLD I HAD to give up a whole bunch of other things and become one of those people it’s a pain in the ass to eat with, meat free can be complicated enough at times. And secretly I knew they were going to tell me I had to give up dairy. I LOVE CHEESE. I LOVE QUESO. I LOVE RANCH. I LOVE CREAMY JALAPENO. I already am on my second week of voluntarily giving it up because I can’t take the constant sinus pain and pressure even though I take daily antihistamines and do a daily nose spray. I can’t take not being able to swallow without feeling it in my ears. I can’t take feeling like I’m on an airplane or underwater ALL THE DAMN TIME.
And of course…
I am reactive to:
Gluten (but to a lower extent and is likely because of the wheat)
and these two aren’t great for me, I should cut them to at most once a week
and I should also totally give up peanuts because of my mold allergy.
The eggs peaked crazy high, like she’s shocked I couldn’t tell I shouldn’t be eating them. Goodbye deviled eggs, I loved you so hard.
There is an issue with yeast in my bloodstream from all the previous runs of antibiotics and steroids so I need to take some steps to cleanse for that.
She recommended The Virgin Diet as it cuts the 7 main allergens but in doing an admittedly quick search, it touts weight loss as its big selling point. I DON’T WANT TO LOSE ANYMORE WEIGHT. I have already lost weight since we got my hormones closer to my normal. I am back to my high school-ish pattern of eating ALL THE THINGS and losing weight. Weight loss is not a goal I have, period. So I don’t really think that book is for me.
Instead I’ll be seeking out more dairy free options. More protein options…something not soy or wheat? I’m going to get really tired of beans.
She says I won’t mind because I’ll be finally feeling better and just be happy but I AM DUBIOUS. Breakfast is easily my favorite meal. And BRUNCH? Oh brunch I loved you. I think I need to go drown my sorrows in a vegan cupcake.
I talked to one of my yogi teacher friends yesterday about the shopping I was doing to fill my athletic closet and she recommended Evolve Fit Wear as a place to check out. She was wearing bright leopard print pants that she said were her favorite, from there, made from recycled plastic bottles.
I realized a few things as I was pulling out my yoga clothes to take these photos. Today will make my 4th day of yoga, in the studio, in a row, and I really seem to love MPG (Mondetta Performance Gear) pants. I have more pairs of these than any other brand. Also I am straying away from the standard cotton pants. I have one pair from Old Navy but I hardly wear them anymore as they pick up all the link everywhere and get saggy at the knee.
Cynthia Rowley at TJ Maxx. I had issues buying this top but it was so cute I did it anyway. I am between two sizes and the smaller of the two was probably what I should’ve bought but it constricted my breath so I bought the larger and wear another sports bra underneath.
I really love sleeveless t’s I want to find more of them I think. Cute and can be worn with jeans OR for yoga. Yep.
I’m going to be spending A LOT of time in the yoga studio in the coming months, essentially living there, which means I needed to bulk up my wardrobe to avoid doing perpetual activewear laundry or stinking up the place.
Yesterday I went and plunked down a chunk of change at TJ Maxx and Old Navy on some pieces and today I asked Twitter what people did yoga in (if they did yoga) because I’m always curious about peoples’ preferences in workout wear. I am a sweaty monkey, like OCEANS OF DRIPPING GROSSNESS so I struggle with wanting to look cute and HIDE IT, OMG HIDE THE POOLS OF WATER.
I’m also not hugely big on color all over the place but I do admire the folks that show up at the studio rocking it. I’m not sure if the color thing is my discomfort with feeling like I’m too “on display” or feeling like it would distract me and wanting the calm. As such, I can’t really tell if I should push myself more in that area or not, so I did get myself to purchase two saturated tops but they still aren’t bright. That all said, I am wishing I bought some loud (to me) pants at Old Navy but would I have actually worn them? Who knows.
For $144 total (two stores together) here’s what I bought
From TJ Maxx
So that’s all the new stuff I bought yesterday. Today I snagged this top on sale for $12 at REI
This all rounds out my existing yoga clothes which I’ll photo and post later. Mainly black pants or crops, with the exception of one colored pair, and dark tops. I need to get a couple more sports bras, a yoga towel because I am slipping all over my mat lately, and that’s it.
What’s in your yoga closet?
Sometimes (more lately) I like to sit take a look back in gratitude over the things I’ve gotten to experience in my life: trips I’ve/we’ve taken, time spent with friends, general experiences and concerts we’ve attended. Maybe you’d like to do the same? I find it helps to fight the “we are in a rut”, “holy crap we are staying in AGAIN this weekend”, “I’m effing old” blues. It also helps to jog an over-taxed memory, if I’m being totally honest, I am OLD afterall.
Bands or musician-type people I’ve seen in concert (in no real order because I am forgetting people as I am listing them)
The Meat Puppets
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Kings of Leon
The Old 97′s
Seven Mary Three
Red Wanting Blue
The Burden Brothers
The Mighty Orq
Sanskrit name: Anja
Meaning: To perceive, to command
Seed Sound: Om
-Not only do we construct our perceptions of the world, but we also go out and construct those perceptions IN the world. We make tables and bicycles and musical instruments because we can think of them- pg 296 Wheels of Life
-In order to see, you have to stop being in the middle of the picture. Sri Aurobindo – pg 298 Wheels of Life
This morning I was woken up by nails clicking on the floor in the hallway and I instantly thought “Oh thank you, it was all a horrible nightmare, she isn’t gone” but of course it wasn’t and of course she is. The nails I heard belong to Maddie. There has been a lot of heartache lately: family drama, hurt feelings from friendships, the loss of family members stacked very close together, old wounds being reopened as I rekindle a relationship with my brother and on top of it all, the loss of my most precious girl. When we had to put Izzy down several years ago, a friend made a comment referencing a lifetime pet. Mayday was mine. Izzy was the love of our whole family. She came to all of us equally (but might have hedged a bit more towards being a daddy’s girl) and was generally happy to love on anyone that would love on her, it’s the Golden Retriever creed after all. Mayday? Mayday was my shadow. My spirit animal. As Sprog’s BFF said when he found out “I’m so sorry, I know she was your main bitch.” She was glued to me, she followed me from room to room, she was constantly under my feet and slept on my side of the bed at night. She stole my sheet and pinned me in constantly. She always knew when I felt like shit and kept me company as I tried to heal. She interrupted my yoga practice by sitting on my hair, licking my face or belching on me. If she went to Willy or Sprog I would sit behind her and talk for her and they would laugh because even though I couldn’t see her face, my words always perfectly matched her facial expressions and her face was incredibly expressive. She let me put anything on her, we dressed her up in clothes, antlers at Christmas, I put remote controls on her head…she would do anything for me.
She was a fighter her whole life, just like me, she was a tiny little sickly bit of nothing when I found her and her sisters underneath the stairs of that abandoned trailer 14 years ago. She was covered in fleas, starving and so desperate for someone to save her…she climbed right up on me and licked my face in joy, while the other two huddled together in fear. She survived two surgeries and even though they said we could expect about 3-6 months with her after having to have her spleen removed, she lived happily for another 15 months. She had horrible allergies, just like me, and I don’t know of a sadder thing than a dog allergic to grass. We battled ear infections and skin infections constantly. She had two strokes, her eye sagged permanently after the first one and she lost her hearing after the second. Her bark forever changed at some point in between. I call her the most expensive free dog in the world. But, I don’t care, I would’ve spent anything on her, for her.
I debated telling you about her last day/night but it was awful and graphic and I just hate remembering her like that. I hate remembering how she suffered. I hate that the last image I have of her was her in pain, struggling, in that place. I wish that she hadn’t lost her hearing so that my words could’ve actually comforted her. I promised her that she’d never have to camp again. That she’d never be tormented by another bug or another little annoying dog again. That she’d only be in the air conditioning she loved so much forever. That she was never going to feel anymore pain. That she’d only ever get her fancy wet food and huge fluffy bedding and mommy’s soft sheets. That she was the very best girl. The very BEST GIRL and I loved her so much. I wish that we got that beautiful last day filled with cheeseburgers and gorgeous pictures but as with most things the internet is not like real life. I wish I could say that I am okay with her being gone because at least now she isn’t suffering anymore and while yes, I am so glad she isn’t in pain anymore? I am most definitely not okay with her being gone. I am a fucking wreck actually. Like sobbing mess, can’t go into my own bedroom, wreck. When I was sad, when I was lonely, I would put my nose flat on the top of her nose and my forehead on hers and just hug her, I would stroke her super soft ears or lay on the floor with her. She always made me feel better and now she’s gone, just like that. 14 years is over. Every day I expect it’s going to get easier and it doesn’t.
I miss you so much beautiful girl. Thank you for gracing me with your life. I am so lucky I got to be your mama.
More pictures here
So this one was hard for me and I am not sure I communicated as clearly as I wished, but as I allowed myself to be vulnerable in the space and showed it, I’m going with this as is.
Sanskrit name: Anahata
Seed Sound: Lam
Chief Operating Force: Equilibrium
Inner state: Compassion
If you follow me on Instagram or even on Facebook you know all about Frank and his month long vaca at our house. For those that don’t or that were curious as to how things went in greater detail, let’s talk about my buddy.
Obviously when K&D asked us to watch him while they were out of the country, I said yes immediately but of course I had concerns in the back of my mind because of our girls. Mayday is fear aggressive to pretty much anything in the world and it’s only made worse by the fact that she’s mostly deaf after her latest stroke. Maddie is a sneak, she acts like she loves everyone but then snaps at any dog that gets within face reach of her. So, clearly, we were going to have issues bringing this giant dog into our home.
At first, and as expected, there was a lot of growling and avoidance by our ladies. Frank is awesomely trained so I would have him in a down stay and slowly bring the girls out into his space. Introductions happened with my hand firmly on a collar or body of one of the girls and lots of reassuring tones were used. We also walked them all together as much as we could (14 year old ladies vs 3 year old pup is vastly different in energy levels)
but eventually 2 of the 3 had solid friendships
He is well loved and a member of our family, now. I can’t wait to get him back at Christmas when it’s cooler and we can take him to do even more fun things outside.